The modern laws of attraction

It has never been more difficult and challenging than now to lure the fairer sex into our sweet talk. And if there is any sign of this great art inversely abeting with age of the women, think twice before you act. Gone are the days when you could trap a 5-6 year old for a peck on your cheek with talk of lollipops and chocolates. Its now a full blown greed that is the thorn that a modern man sits to appease the demands of these fatal females.

I never miss an opportunity, though, to battle my wits with these young fairies in hope that my charm would ultimately win over their often underestimated wisdom. And yes they do battle hard for their own sake as I see amazingly where the seeds of resilience of modern day woman are sowed. Women in all shapes and sizes are animals difficult to please. At a party I targeted a six year old of my charm. My final wish was to earn her hand in marriage as a part of the deal and gleefully walk away with a peck on my cheek. I approached her and asked, "Whats your name?". "Dia" she replied. Realising that she was really comfortable, I further  deepened the plot with talk of school and best friends. I suddenly popped with the million dollar question,"Will you  marry me?". Now there is something about women of all ages and the notion of marriage. A mere mention of that sent her in bounds of delight which I took for a big "Yes".It was akin to complementing a boy for playing like Sachin. Nevertheless she soon proved my equal in the art of bargaining. Pressing home the advantage, I asked her "Where will we stay?". She yelled in a big house with AC and servants. Point 1 to note is at 6 years she has already thought of a house. Cleverly, I gave her a planet called Falan to live which she gracefully accepted. I remarked, " What will we eat? Who will cook food?". Poor thing had no answer. I saved her the blushes saying that we will eat pineapples on the planet and I will cook for her. Time for my peck on the cheek question. What will we do for the whole day? "Play swing swing " pat came the answer. No ,I said until I receive a peck on the cheek with which I was gladly rewarded.Mission accomplished.

You can see clearly my charms working on the younger maidens. Now, the point why it does not work on their elder counterparts is unfathomable to me. I have applied all lotions and creams to get their attraction. Spraying myself with axe wodoo to get the famed "axe" effect, I walked in the middle of the road. I was sure that I would be soon followed by an army of heavenly nymphs. But to my utter surprise, I could only see a couple of street dogs behind me. Nor did changing my undergarments to those brands like Rupa, Lux or VIP get me a super sexy dame in my arm. It only ended me with a lot and scratching at the wrong ends.I tried using "fresh breath" as an ultimate weapon following to gather attention of any of the fairer denizens. I even tried to be "The complete Man" as the ads so profess with a dressing style to match. After I had run a complete course of shampoos, exotic soaps , perfumes, branded clothes etc I found difficult to get traction on infusing my charm on these elderly nymphs.

A dejected man as I was cooking came to my rescue. As my list of recipes increased, so did my fame. I cannot believe that the stench of sweat and masalas can be so attractive. Therein lies the conundrum. What attracts these eves is difficult to surmise. As I plan my next chess moves, I couldn't help but observe. The laws of attraction have changed.

The Army of Shadows

There are movies and there are "the" movies. Being a fan of neo-realism cinema, I have loved the works of Rossilini nd Satyajit Ray to the core. But, this ones special. Set in the backdrop of Vichy France, this French movie  is an unparalleled tale of valour and heroism in the dark period of WW2. The movie depicts a deadly cat and mouse game between the Nazi Gestapo and the French Resistance fighters in its complete gory capacity. The absolute hopelessness of battling an evil Goliath intricately captured in the camera lens provides us a birds eyes view of what actually happened in those dark days. Many of these fighters met ghastly deaths and were forgotten in unmarked graves. A thought of what the cult figure of Jean Moulin must have gone through in the hideous torture chambers of Gestapo at Hotel Terminus is just left dangling in my mind . That this army was one of the reasons for the fall of the Nazis is a moment to celebrate and cherish

Times have changed. This painful past is a memory to forget and forgive. But, what remains is to observe the present. In a curious thought, I decided to persist to find this army of shadows in our present day society. It was not until on my way cycling for my morning swim, that I saw my army. Armed with brooms, these old ladies were in full bloom cleaning the streets . It was a moment of discovery truly. Often, I failed to spot these helping hands who do this job of cleaning the dirt and muck in the society. Those men who step down the sewers to clean the shit pile or people whom we notice in times of distress are a real boon. In a society obsessed with finding and talking about problems, they are the solutions. I decided to go a step further.I started knowing them better. I now know my watchman better.  These people whom you won't provide a cursory glance let alone respect live in their own world of troubles. In an idea I call the "name" experiment, I just asked them their names. In my conversation, I started referring to them by their names and it created a magical ambience. They became happy that somebody was speaking with respect and as an equal. You could always argue over that they receive money. But, the question remains is whether we would exchange jobs if the income was same? A question better left unanswered in a society which does not profess job equality.

Jean-Pierre Melville's movie ends on a sad note with all its main protagonist  suffering a bitter end. It left my eyes moist as the army disintegrates under the heavy pressure of the Gestapo. But what of the fate of our army. I see a different end for this merry band. As education empowers them, I see them grow and  produce champions. I hope to see  that magnificent rise very soon :-)

The Fatal Cat Fights

Well, I'll start this on a cautious note. I am a complete fan of these fights. They catch me hook, line and sinker. Lol...don't go on calling me a sadist for my strange penchant! I know all of you guys will never go and actually stop one. And how proud we males would be if we were the cause of contention of that fight ? The complicated group equations amongst can often create a devastatingly funny ambience . Not only are these clashes universal but they are unbelievably secular.. You can watch of all this entertainment right from the village mohallas to the posh theatres and often right in the middle of a crowded road irrespective of caste, creed or religion.

The ferocity with which our otherwise shy and coquettish females display to each other in these clashes will make you wonder why many of them don't get employed in the army and stand on the borders guarding the nation. Men fights are so boring . They will just end in a melee of broken heads, blood and often peace pact. No chance of that in a cat fight. They amazingly inventive use of invectives with the glares and if you are lucky , yeah, a physical mash makes up something that no true cinema has captured in its temerity and ferocity. IMO, we should have chosen female leads to provide us some great spice content.Why miss the fun :p

And amazingly these things do not wither out with age or having children. In a family function in my village, we employed certain ladies for cooking and cleaning. Now, what we were not aware was that we had deprived another group of ladies of their living. Unable to control their egos, the final show down occurred right in middle of the function between two ladies carrying children on their hips. The climax of which was a action packed slapping contest. I started noticing how happy the kids were when their moms were swinging their hands against each other and shed crocodile tears when they stopped for a pause. To my utter surprise, nobody stopped it. And me, I was all in the mood to take a video only to be cautioned by my wise mom.

And if its not a great show down, a cat fight can be a slow , torturous climb . On a comment "Keep the change !" by the leader of one such cat group to the other, the misery of common male friends is complete. Unable to open their mouths in support of any group, the barrage of negativity can just put you out of orbit. God save you if your GF and your best female friend/sister end up at opposite ends. Often soured relations will never heal. Best advice , stay away from the resolving job. Its not our cup of tea. What one female can be to other as an enemy is a creation of God. They might just put past his advice and carry it in their next janaams. I can see God raise his hands in exasperation as I put an end to my rumbles from within .